I am so grateful to be a mom!

Since I was a teenager I have been thinking about motherhood. I started yearning for the motherly experience and being exposed to varied motherly figures that surrounded me. Growing up without my mom, I never experience that nurturing, the hugs and kisses or even the I love you. I write this to express how much I adore motherhood and nothing against my own mother. My mother made decisions in her early ages that she thought was in the best interest of herself and family. As we grow, our decisions are based on what surrounds us – our social norms. My mom, at the time, had four of us. There were three boys and myself, being the only girl. She immigrated to the U.S. where I gained another brother.

I lived with my father in another town, in my birth country but regularly visited my brothers. My maternal grandmother made sure that we knew each other and kept the family bond. She would visit me or take me back to her home town to spend family time with my brothers and cousins that she was also raising. I was always back and forth during the holidays. The visits got less as I grew older and I was in an all girl boarding school in another town.

I met my mom for the first time, when I was sixteen years old. I was so excited. It meant the world to me. I always year for my mom, to have that bird and bee conversation or just to guide me as my body changed from a child into adulthood. Luckily for me , I went to an all girl high school. I learnt a lot from other girls whose mom might have guided them. I spent a lot of my growing years in an extended family. My father, my aunt, my paternal grandparents and my cousins all in one big house.

My father, eventually moved out to go on his own. He moved in with his wife, her son and me. I remember clearly, I was eleven years old. It was shortly living with them, I got accepted to the all girl boarding school. My father side of family seem to have a lot to say about my step mom but what could I do, I was only a child. I am not sure if my step-mom was aware of how she treated me, but it was never motherly. She always made me feel as if I don’t belong. She was able to have my father, which I am his only child, started treating me the same way too. I started to dislike home and would rather stay at school than come home.

I was not at my best at school, I had to repeat a grade. My father stopped paying my tuition . He told me that I did five years of school already. This was not the Dad I know. He wanted more for me. It was his intention to send me to college after high school. What went wrong ? Clearly the thought process was that I would have dropped out a high school. Of course, the world would await this seventeen tear old young adult with open arms. I am persistent and quite resilient then and now; I worked around that challenge and remained in school until I graduated. My high school years were enjoyable. I was very involved in a lot of the extra curriculum activities. Those activities shaped me. I learned to help the less fortunate in my community, I learnt how to organize and to lead groups.

I graduated high school and went onto the workforce. At this point, I was no longer staying at my father’s home with my step-mom. I went back to live with my extended family. My father hated that I was working but did nothing. Growing up , he hated me doing summer jobs. He never wanted me to experience that world – education was first. Now looking back , I could have learnt entrepreneurship early. My father is a good man but he listened to a lot of outside noise. He seem that he was pushed to make some tough decisions, that would have impacted me negatively. So fast forward to me leaving school. I started working and two years later , I migrated to the U.S. Four years later, I realized one of my greatest desire . I became a Mom !

I was so desperate in becoming a mom that choosing a great father figure, husband or companion flew over my head. Don’t judge me ! It’s just a path I choose and learnt a lot. I became a mom of a very handsome son and I became a single mom. The journey was tough and real. Five years later, I became a mom of a beautiful girl and a single mom of two.

Can we talk about our choices ? Only you control your future by the decisions you make today. For me, there are no regrets. Motherhood has been one of the best experience of my life. I wouldn’t trade it in for anything else. It is challenging but creating a life ! No one has a workbook or handbook to prepare you for motherhood. It is the love you have inside of you for humanity that carries you through. I have wonderful experiences and now have a great sense of how to navigate this journey call – Life! Oh yes, I am someone one’s mom ! Someone calls me Mommy ! Oh Mama !